You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
