I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
