Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
