Your dad touched me again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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