benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
