Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
