after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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