We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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