If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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