What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
