So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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