R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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