my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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