1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
