So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
