So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
