Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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