I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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