Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
