It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
