how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
