It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
