You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
