nut hugger
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
