"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
