It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
