We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
