I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
