just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
