It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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