That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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