I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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