she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
