I am full of burrito and curiosity
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
