Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i've created a new STD.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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