Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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