We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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