Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
