Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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