i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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