put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
