what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
