just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
