you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
