how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
