Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you inspire me to be a worse person
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
