Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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