Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
