Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it because I queefed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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