Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
